Lost in too many thoughts

I've been having a lot on my mind lately, most of them really small and trivial things, others big enough to make it hard to sleep at night.

One of them being that I felt something a bit odd (at least I think so) in one of my breasts, and since I have lost both grandmother and mother to breast cancer all warning bells start to ring in my head. Probably it's nothing, there's SO many things it could be that is natural and not dangerous at all, but of course the stupid human brain wants to think the worst. Most of the time I manage to not think about it, but then it hits and the worries starts all over again. I'm gonna go check this up next week if I can get an appointment, it's ALWAYS better to check one time too much than to not check at all and then I can finally stop thinking about it or do something about it if that what it comes to.

Second, one year ago I was so sure I had found my place, living together with my roomy back in Stockholm, and I had no problem seeing I would live like that even in the future. Then I came here, and things that I hadn't planned at all happened, which in turn led to that I will probably get an apartment together with my boyfriend here in Tokyo in a near future if everything works out with his job. It's a huge thing for both of us since it's not a question about moving to someone else place but starting something totally new together, as our own little family. And seeing as this is Japan where family business is not something taken lightly it's seen as an even bigger thing. Whaaa what have I gotten myself into, but I can't deny that I'm super happy. Being together for over a year and things just feeling better the more time we spend together this can't be anything other than right. Well when this moving in together goes official bricks shall be shat seeing as no one thought I would ever settle down for REAL, hell even I didn't think so. But sometimes things just doesn't go as planned.

Third, bf wants to move to Sweden in a few years, which puts me in the 'then why the heck am I studying japanese for', it's gonna be pretty useless once in Sweden, most who studies for 2 years here see at least some kind of future in Japan. So yeah, I wasn't really prepared for that one. But learning swedish will take a LONG time, so I guess we'll se where we have gotten with our lives at that point.

Just a few nights ago I felt horrible, it was like the world had come crashing down on me and I didn't know what to do with myself. But it also made me think all things through thoroughly , and in the end it left me more calm than I have felt in months. So no bad things that doesn't bring something good I guess.

Now I'll just take it step by step until my breast examination and if nothing bad shows up I'll live my life like I've never lived it before, life is precious after all and each and everyone should enjoy it to the fullest, making the most out of every opportunity.
I probably won't update until after my check up, but after that theres a lot more to come!